Ok, engage brain. Think back for me. Have you ever had a 100% honest relationship with another human being? Romantic, business, platonic, familial, or even with yourself? I promise I won’t be shocked or disappointed is the answer is no.
Because truthfully, I’m not sure I have either, until the last few months of my life as my spiritual study and practice has deepened.
This is something that's been coming up for me lots recently as I create my intentions for 2014 and start to really set in place my focus for the year ahead and once again delve into the world of online dating (at the time of going to press my Match renewal has been cancelled – I’ve found myself quite a catch gals!)
I've had some incredible conversations recently that have really anchored in the dire need for honesty, true honesty, with love, *without* hysteria, to create lasting, healthy happy relationships in all areas of our lives.
Personally there are some areas of my life where I find it easier to bust out the honesty pills. I've experienced a lot of growth over the last year in the area of romantic relationships. Mostly recently I've had some incredible encounters with men that have helped me to grow inexorably in a super short space of time, I believe because I was wide open with truth and honesty.
When we are on a serious spiritual path the situation is not changed for us, but we are changed for the situation. If I didn't meditate, pray and study those same scenarios would have still played out, but I would have seen them with different eyes. I would have missed the opportunities for learning.
What I've learned about honesty in relationships is that it opens us up for a much deeper experience of life. I've seen for myself in romantic relationships that true defencelessness, open heartedness and frankness about my feelings actually makes time speed up.
Yes. You read that correctly. It makes time speed up. Instead of spending weeks, months or maybe even years, as I have done in the past, in relationships that were there for a reason or a season, rather than a lifetime, I have been able to move through the assignment, learn the lesson and lovingly release the other person back into the wild, knowing that both of us have grown because of our interaction. Knowing that with every relationship, however fleeting it may seem on the surface, I grow, smooth some of my own rough edges and refine my true desires.
After just a week of dating, my current boyfriend stumbled over his words and felt super uncomfortable telling me that he knew he wanted more children. He said he felt it was inappropriate to share these feelings with me so early on. He was worried it would freak me out, that I'd think he was "moving too fast".
I told him I that I actually thought it was a really smart idea. As we are both looking for a serious long term relationship, it would make sense that we are aware of each other's true desires right from the get go. Otherwise, what? We get 6 months, a year down the line, fall truly, madly deeply, meet each other's families, talk about moving in together, and then find out that we don't want the same fundamental things out of life?
Worse, we have based our relationship so far on the assumption that we do want the same things. We have become attached to a projected future outcome. And as we know all suffering comes from attachment, non more painful than attachment to fantasies that our Egos have created for us.
*And* he was right. Expressing his true feelings to me so early in our relationship might have freaked me out. It could have spelled the end for us if I didn't feel the same way. But if it did, we would have had an awesome fun week together and been released to find what we really desired in another relationship. The universe is pretty damn smart at self organising that way!
When we can release judgment and expectation, embarrassment and fear and express our true desires, from a place of love and honesty we find ourselves miraculously and effortlessly magnetising ideal people and situations towards us.
That said, I know there are still areas of my life in which I need to work on the honesty thing, not least in my relationship with myself. I have made a commitment to myself that 2014 will be the year that I fill my own cup first. The year when I learn how to have healthy boundaries, live with impeccability and fulfill myself first and foremost, of course with the intention that I will continue this work for the rest of my life.
2014 is just the year that the work begins in earnest.
Want to get help doing this tricky thing called honesty and openness? Then why not join me and the awesome Carly Hope for a day of totally practical spiritual immersion on Saturday 22nd March in Birmingham UK… Get your tickets for How To Have An Awesome Life Live right here!